What the Hell Am I Doing To Myself?!?!

I just celebrated my 36th Birthday a week ago.  Throughout my life I have learn many lessons, some voluntary...some involuntary. Those of you that know me personally, know that most times I can be honest to a fault.  I speak my truth the way I see it and I don't really care how it’s received most times.  I’m honest and verbal about my feelings toward people and situations. Often I say things and never think twice about it...once it’s spoken I forget about it.  But for some reason that didn't work today.  I had a conversation with my parents that kept playing in my mind and as I evaluated our conversation and my responses it dawned on me “What the Hell am I doing to myself?!?!?!”  I realized the extent of the amount of resentment I held inside of me...knowingly and I was appalled. See, I was aware and chose to hold on to the resentment and all the pain of my past. In some sad way I felt it was justified and needed to make me strong. Then I started thinking:

How does holding on to the pain really help my life?
Is the anger causing me to miss a blessing?
Is my need for justification in this life greater than my need of God’s Mercy?
How do I benefit from being unforgiving?
After all of these unanswered questions, many tears and lots of prayers I decided to go to church.  I did NOT leave the same way I walked in... I visited a church today called Victorious Life and that’s exactly how I’m feeling right now!  Every question I had was answered and confirmation was given.

The anger, resentment and unforgiveness WAS holding me back because my heart wasn’t fully clean. I had specks of dirt that may have started off as dust that I allowed to continuously build up and form something deep rooted in my soul. I learned at church today that if you don’t put an end to evil things when you see them forming you give them the power to multiply and strengthen. But what the devil didn’t count on is I also learned how to open myself up and give it all to Jesus. I prayed and asked the Lord to forgive me for my wrongdoings, my mistakes and my bad thoughts.  I also prayed FOR people who have done me wrong by name...TAKE NOTE I SAID PRAYED FOR NOT ON! There’s a big difference. I prayed that they be Blessed, Happy and Prosperous...something I NEVER thought I would pray for someone that I feel caused me so much pain.  But guess what...I walked out of church feeling so light I think I was floating!

You see, the last month has been spent praying more than usual seeking answers, peace and resolution, but I kept coming up empty or so I thought. While I was busy being discouraged, God was working behind the scenes making sure that when he answered my prayers I would hear him loud and clear!

Today my voices are speaking words of Thankfulness. My words and thoughts are free from regret, anger and hatred. I have handed it all to God and together we will uproot the negativity I allowed to be planted within me. I can now look forward to my life and enjoy the many blessings that God wants to bestow upon me that I was blocking with my stubbornness.


2 Corinthians 10:3-4  For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds

Until Next Time...  

Closure

Do you find it hard to forgive those who have done you wrong?  When you’re angry at someone do you find all the fancy wording about forgiveness being for you, not the other person, a bit overwhelming? Do you think “how can letting someone off the hook for their actions benefit me more than it does them?” If you answered yes to any of the above, you my friend have a problem…but don’t worry it’s a problem that we have all had at one time or another in our lives.

Personally, I feel the reason so many people have a problem forgiving is because as a society we were programed to want answers to all of our questions.  Why?  When?  Who? Where? Are just a few of the questions most people feel they need answers to before forgiving… the answers to these questions are usually summed up in the word CLOSURE.  Closure is what most people seek before moving on from a situation, but often do not find.  The reason most people find it hard to forgive is because instead of searching for closure they should be opening their eyes to ACCEPTANCE.  The reason acceptance can be more beneficial than closure is because for acceptance you rely on yourself and for closure you rely on others.  

Take a look at your situation, look at  all the facts, and accept the reality of the circumstances!  Do not look to someone else to answer questions you already have the facts to answer.  Expecting someone else to give you closure is equivalent to cheating on an open book test from someone without a book.  You are the only person who knows all the supporting facts of your case so don’t look to someone else to give your closing remarks.

Today My Voices are Accepting…. Accepting all that was, all that is and all that shall be.   

 

Until Next Time

Forgive Them Father-Lauryn Hill

“Forgive them father, for they know not what they doooo!” I woke up singing this song this morning for some reason and I have not been able to block it out of my mind… so it was a must that I look up the lyrics. And a few that stick out to me are

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those That trespass against us

Although them again we will Never, Never, Never Trust

Forgive them father, for they know not what they doooo

Beware the false motives of others

Be careful of those who pretend to be brothers

And you never suppose it's those who are closest to you,

They say all the right things to gain their position

Then use your kindness as their ammunition

To shoot you down in the name of ambition,

Forgive them father, for they know not what they doooo

Why every Indian wanna be the chief?

Feed a man 'til he's full and he still want beef

Give me grief, try to thief off my piece

Walk you to the increase, I must decrease?
If I treat you kindly does it mean that I'm weak?

You hear me speak and think I won't take it to the streets

I know enough cats that don't turn the other cheek

But I try to keep it civilized like Menelik

To survive is to stay alive in the face of opposition

Even when they comin' gunnin' I stand position

L's known the mission since conception

Let's free the people from deception

If you lookin' for the answers then you gotta ask the questions

Like Cain and Abel, Caesar and Brutus

Jesus and Judas, back stabbers do this

Forgive them father, for they know not what they doooo

It took me a little while to discover

Wolves in sheep coats who pretend to be lovers

Men who lack conscience will even lie to themselves
A friend once said and I found to be true

That, "Everyday people, they lie to God too

So what makes you think that they won't lie to you"

Forgive them father, for they know not what they doooo

That’s one deep song!! The lyrics are truly speaking volumes to me today.

So my voices are literally singing…”FORGIVE THEM FATHER FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DOOOOOOO!” Realize and accept things and people as they are not how you want them to be, when and if things change THEN and only then should you change your perception. Leave the judging to God and focus on the way you live your life.

…Until Next time

Forgiveness

At work I like to use at least one of my breaks to walk briskly.  Today my friend and I were walking and talking as we normally do, but today I started sharing some things with her that I hadn’t talked about in a long time and it inspired me to write.

A few years ago my mom would always tell me “Tasha, you’re blocking your blessings by holding on to anger, resentment and pain.  You have to figure out a way to forgive or you’ll never be able to truly move on.” I remember this conversation as if it were yesterday.  I would just brush her off and say: “I know Ma, but I’m not ready yet.” I felt as if I needed the pain and anger to fuel me to keep going. It was as if the bitterness I had in my heart for those that I feel wronged me, kept me strong, determined and on the right path.  As time went on I did just that… I used all Ill will towardsme as fuel to overcome adversity, and depression.

One day I was headed to church having a talk with God (which is normal for me) my intentions were to pray a prayer for me to move on and open a new chapter of my life.  And out of no where, I began saying that I was ready to forgive everyone that hurt me and ready to move on with my life.  I can remember saying  “Lord, I’m tired of being angry, I want to let it all go and stop allowing my past to bring me to tears or rage at the mere thought of it.”  By this point I was in tears and literally crying my eyes out… but not from sadness, it was from relief.  It was like a weight was lifted immediately!  As soon as I spoke those words of forgiveness, the plan for my life changed.

So Today, My Voices are Remembering…Forgiveness is the Key that Unlocks the Door of Unimaginable Blessings!!

If you need the anger to fuel you, Fine…but once the fuel diminishes do not fill up again!  Release it and move on with love, understanding and wisdom!

…Until Next Time

Dear God

As I was going through my old emails I found this and felt that it may be something that someone needs to read.  The letter to God was written in October of 2010 and the response was given in November of 2010.

Dear God,

 I know you have the blueprint laid out for my life;

And you want what’s best for me, yet you still allow strife,

To mold and make me what you have me to be

But why did I have to come down this road is what I can’t see.

The road of depression, anger and regret..

Lord I keep listening for you to say “my child please don’t fret”

But I hear nothing, and I need to hear you voice…

Please help me Lord, before I make the wrong choice…

The choice that will lead to things that are not like you…

Things that make me feel better, but multiple sins I will accrue.

Sins that will add, a crimson stain to my path

Lord is it only me, that your allowing to feel wrath?

I know you didn’t bring me, this far to leave me alone,

And since you created me, u know some things I just wont condone

So tell me what is it , that’s led me to this place…

I’ve been running for 31 years now and I cant seem to win this race!!!

Tasha

I wrote this letter to God a week ago, and on Sunday Pastor blew me away... it was as if God was answering my letter to him and using my pastor as his messenger.  The topic of his sermon was “The Power of Release & Praise”.  He spoke about activating the power of forgiveness and how God gives us the power to forgive but he can’t forgive for us.  He went on into saying that we have to Release or set free those grudges that we are holding on to, in order to receive our blessings.  The only thing holding us back from the next level is us; we have become our own enemy! 

Release is the 1^st step in success.  The spirit of forgiveness is a divine gift from God that places us in the super natural market.  And that’s definitely one market that I don’t want to miss out on! When we forgive, we are forgiven…when we hold on, we are held accountable for the grudges we hold. So Let Go and Let God!! Forgiving does not change the past but it does enlarge your future.

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. “