Close the Door

It’s been over for what seems like a while to you, so you think that you’re finally in a place to have a conversation with your ex. Yall talk and they give their side of the story and your shocked, appalled, angry, hurt, confused or all of the above.  Now you feel the need to not only want to explain your point of view but also wanting to defend yourself against their allegations. Once this is done your usually left crying, feeling like the breakup just happened and your back to square one.

DO NOT DO THIS! THE CONVERSATION WILL ONLY CHANGE YOUR MENTAL STATE!

Some of the main quarrels in life are because of people's inabilities to understand others, stubbornness to only understand themselves and their refusal to compromise or show compassion for others. I feel that so many of life's hang ups can be freed by simply learning to agree to disagree, without holding a grudge.

The top characteristic that forms a person’s view on different situations is the experiences in life that they have encountered. The events in everyone's life is different, therefore it is most likely that each perspective will also be different. We as people need to keep in mind that when looking out of life's window, the view we see will be based on our PERSONAL trials, triumphs and failures.

People who do NOT share your perspective on life will not see the same view you see when looking out of life's window. Each window has a different view!

A Thief does NOT share the view of a Noble Man.

A Hustler can NOT comprehend the strict budget of a Hard Working Man, just as a Millionaire can not fathom the struggles of Ordinary People.

A Mistress could NEVER understand the perspective of a Wife.

A Fornicator can NOT grasp the abstinence of a Priest, no more than a Sinner can comprehend the walk of a person that fears God.

Face it, if yall shared the same point of views, honored the same values and feared the same God, things would have turned out differently.  You will not get all the answers to your questions. All the explaining in the world will not smooth things out. You are only hurting yourself by going back trying to understand and explain.

STOP TRYING TO UNDERSTAND THEM! STOP TRYING TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF! ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS TO LEARN IS ACCEPTANCE! ACCEPT WHAT IS AND REALIZE THAT CLOSURE DOES NOT EXIST IN THE FORM THAT MOST PEOPLE THINK IT DOES.  YOU PROVIDE YOUR OWN CLOSURE BY CLOSING THE DOOR TO YOUR PAST!

 

 

Closure

Do you find it hard to forgive those who have done you wrong?  When you’re angry at someone do you find all the fancy wording about forgiveness being for you, not the other person, a bit overwhelming? Do you think “how can letting someone off the hook for their actions benefit me more than it does them?” If you answered yes to any of the above, you my friend have a problem…but don’t worry it’s a problem that we have all had at one time or another in our lives.

Personally, I feel the reason so many people have a problem forgiving is because as a society we were programed to want answers to all of our questions.  Why?  When?  Who? Where? Are just a few of the questions most people feel they need answers to before forgiving… the answers to these questions are usually summed up in the word CLOSURE.  Closure is what most people seek before moving on from a situation, but often do not find.  The reason most people find it hard to forgive is because instead of searching for closure they should be opening their eyes to ACCEPTANCE.  The reason acceptance can be more beneficial than closure is because for acceptance you rely on yourself and for closure you rely on others.  

Take a look at your situation, look at  all the facts, and accept the reality of the circumstances!  Do not look to someone else to answer questions you already have the facts to answer.  Expecting someone else to give you closure is equivalent to cheating on an open book test from someone without a book.  You are the only person who knows all the supporting facts of your case so don’t look to someone else to give your closing remarks.

Today My Voices are Accepting…. Accepting all that was, all that is and all that shall be.   

 

Until Next Time

Forgive Them Father-Lauryn Hill

“Forgive them father, for they know not what they doooo!” I woke up singing this song this morning for some reason and I have not been able to block it out of my mind… so it was a must that I look up the lyrics. And a few that stick out to me are

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those That trespass against us

Although them again we will Never, Never, Never Trust

Forgive them father, for they know not what they doooo

Beware the false motives of others

Be careful of those who pretend to be brothers

And you never suppose it's those who are closest to you,

They say all the right things to gain their position

Then use your kindness as their ammunition

To shoot you down in the name of ambition,

Forgive them father, for they know not what they doooo

Why every Indian wanna be the chief?

Feed a man 'til he's full and he still want beef

Give me grief, try to thief off my piece

Walk you to the increase, I must decrease?
If I treat you kindly does it mean that I'm weak?

You hear me speak and think I won't take it to the streets

I know enough cats that don't turn the other cheek

But I try to keep it civilized like Menelik

To survive is to stay alive in the face of opposition

Even when they comin' gunnin' I stand position

L's known the mission since conception

Let's free the people from deception

If you lookin' for the answers then you gotta ask the questions

Like Cain and Abel, Caesar and Brutus

Jesus and Judas, back stabbers do this

Forgive them father, for they know not what they doooo

It took me a little while to discover

Wolves in sheep coats who pretend to be lovers

Men who lack conscience will even lie to themselves
A friend once said and I found to be true

That, "Everyday people, they lie to God too

So what makes you think that they won't lie to you"

Forgive them father, for they know not what they doooo

That’s one deep song!! The lyrics are truly speaking volumes to me today.

So my voices are literally singing…”FORGIVE THEM FATHER FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DOOOOOOO!” Realize and accept things and people as they are not how you want them to be, when and if things change THEN and only then should you change your perception. Leave the judging to God and focus on the way you live your life.

…Until Next time

The Ugly Truth

When I was young I was a little chubby (maybe a lot chubby).  As I got older, I was always really small; I wanted nothing more than to gain weight. It was all I could think about. I can remember one summer my cousin and I ate sandwiches, ice cream and cookies all summer long trying to put on weight...and nothing seemed to work.  For years all I wanted was to be shaped more like a grown woman and not have breast like a fat boy (in the words of my sister).   I felt inadequate because of my size. As time went on, I began to gain a little weight and lets just say…my cup started to runneth over (LOL, my bra cup that is).  This gave me more confidence and helped me deal with the whole ‘she’s cute for a dark girl’ thing.

My weight has always fluctuated, but over the years I continued to gain weight without really noticing it.  One day I actually looked at myself and my body had completely transformed in front of my eyes without me even noticing it.  Things that were at one time firm, were suddenly... umm, not so firm. For some reason, it was as if I was looking at myself for the first time in a long time and I didn’t like what I saw.  What I once wanted so badly, was the same thing that made me sad.  It was very hard for me once I realized the size I had become. I wondered how long I looked that way, why didn’t anyone tell me and why hadn’t I realized it earlier?  My appearance started having a very negative affect on my attitude, but it still wasn’t enough to motivate me to lose the weight…go figure, right? People would say “If you’re so unhappy with your weight do something about it” or “when your tired of looking like that, you’ll make a change” my favorite was “once you start doing it you’ll feel so much better”!!!  FYI: NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ANY OF THIS! If you didn’t politely tell me “girl your starting to put on weight you better watch yourself” don’t come after the damage has been done with your bright ideas. Truth is, yes, I was tired of looking the way I did…but I still ate more (because good food makes me happy)! Yes, I was unhappy with my weight but a nice bubble dress or something that started to flare in the midsection would make me look and feel much better than a workout! AND Working out does not make me feel better, it has not become a lifestyle and I don’t miss it! Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest…back to the spirit LOL

Those of you that know me already know about my peculiar eating habits, and they won’t get me very far.  I’m getting older and I decided that it was time that I compensate for my eating habits. The last few years of my life has been a journey about learning who I am, what I love, what I like and what I want. I decided that I was ready for a healthier way of living inside and out. I decided that it was time for the person on the outside to meet the person on the inside and for them both to coincide with my bubbly personality.

I did not decide to lose weight and get in better shape until something within me changed.  It was a motivating force within that energized my entire being and made me strive to be better. So today, the fierce woman inside of me is screaming: Evaluate your life, Decide what makes YOU happy! Decide what self-image YOU want to portray and do it with PRIDE!  There is NO motivational speech, picture of a model or success story that will give you the motivation you need... It starts with YOU!

ONLY YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CONTROL YOUR ACTIONS!

ONLY YOU CAN JUMPSTART YOUR WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY!

If you don’t love yourself how you are, work on yourself to achieve how you want to be!

If you are comfortable in the skin you're in, don't let anyone else's opinion alter how Fierce you Feel!

IT STARTS WITH YOU... THE APPROVAL, THE DENIAL, THE BEAUTY!!

Confidence is the Greatest Accessory of All!

Until Next Time…