It's a Process!

Are you doubting your decision, are you wondering if you tried everything there is to try? Are you afraid that you are giving up on them and they have finally figured out what they had in you and they are ready to do right? Are you considering giving it another shot because you don’t want someone else to benefit from all of your hard work and tears? Are you worried that someone else will come along and they will treat them the way you always wanted to be treated?

If you are and they haven’t given you any reason to doubt your decision… GET OVER IT! If your only reason for questioning letting go is out of your own fear of the unknown LET IT GO! Let's keep it real, If that person has any decency, chances are someone WILL  benefit from your hard work, but it wasn’t in God’s plan for that person to be you.  You have to accept that  there’s nothing you can do to change that!  One thing I believe with all my heart is “Circumstances should NOT affect your loyalty if your goal never changes”.  If someone’s goal is to love, protect, cherish and provide for you nothing should be able to change that.. no temptation, no trial and no obstacle.  So keep in mind that both parties may have been working towards different goals.

I hate to be the one to break this to you, but guess what? There is no quick fix! You will not go to sleep one night, pray for healing and wake up the next morning okay. But, overtime, if you continue to pray and stand firm in your decision, gradually things will get easier.  One thing you must do is ALLOW THE PAIN! Only mask it in public, everyone that shows concern doesn't have your best interest at heart.  Go through the anger, the regret, the crying, the depression, JUST DON’T GO BACK to the person that caused the pain and don’t allow them to hold you back from your future. 

“Every day in life is a test, it’s up to us if it becomes a testimony!”

"Stand Firm, Make a Strong Move & Keep It Moving With Pride"

Close the Door

It’s been over for what seems like a while to you, so you think that you’re finally in a place to have a conversation with your ex. Yall talk and they give their side of the story and your shocked, appalled, angry, hurt, confused or all of the above.  Now you feel the need to not only want to explain your point of view but also wanting to defend yourself against their allegations. Once this is done your usually left crying, feeling like the breakup just happened and your back to square one.

DO NOT DO THIS! THE CONVERSATION WILL ONLY CHANGE YOUR MENTAL STATE!

Some of the main quarrels in life are because of people's inabilities to understand others, stubbornness to only understand themselves and their refusal to compromise or show compassion for others. I feel that so many of life's hang ups can be freed by simply learning to agree to disagree, without holding a grudge.

The top characteristic that forms a person’s view on different situations is the experiences in life that they have encountered. The events in everyone's life is different, therefore it is most likely that each perspective will also be different. We as people need to keep in mind that when looking out of life's window, the view we see will be based on our PERSONAL trials, triumphs and failures.

People who do NOT share your perspective on life will not see the same view you see when looking out of life's window. Each window has a different view!

A Thief does NOT share the view of a Noble Man.

A Hustler can NOT comprehend the strict budget of a Hard Working Man, just as a Millionaire can not fathom the struggles of Ordinary People.

A Mistress could NEVER understand the perspective of a Wife.

A Fornicator can NOT grasp the abstinence of a Priest, no more than a Sinner can comprehend the walk of a person that fears God.

Face it, if yall shared the same point of views, honored the same values and feared the same God, things would have turned out differently.  You will not get all the answers to your questions. All the explaining in the world will not smooth things out. You are only hurting yourself by going back trying to understand and explain.

STOP TRYING TO UNDERSTAND THEM! STOP TRYING TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF! ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS TO LEARN IS ACCEPTANCE! ACCEPT WHAT IS AND REALIZE THAT CLOSURE DOES NOT EXIST IN THE FORM THAT MOST PEOPLE THINK IT DOES.  YOU PROVIDE YOUR OWN CLOSURE BY CLOSING THE DOOR TO YOUR PAST!

 

 

Key Factors to Remember While Healing

As of now…

1.       You realize you have a problem and you’re ready to solve it
2.       You have identified the people/things that affect you negatively
3.       You have let go of the negativity that weighs you down mentally and physically
4.       You have decided to work through your emotions without entering into a relationship to ease the pain
5.    You are ignoring the rumors

All stages of healing correlate to one another.  You will have good days, bad days, happy days, sad days but when going through your emotional rollercoaster there are some key factors to keep in mind

1.   Just because you're sad, depressed, disappointed or all of the above YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LOOK THE PART! 
2.   Always keep yourself up.  It is a proven fact that when you look good, you feel better…so please continue to take pride in your appearance. 
3.   Be mindful of the words you speak and speak positive words.
4.   Don’t tell your sob story to all you encounter. 
5.   You do NOT have to defend yourself against every story being told
6.   You do not have to justify your situation, your decision or your status.
7.   Walk with your head held high, there is nothing to be ashamed about.  Things end, relationships fail, you are not the first and you will not be the last.
8.   PEACE NOT PIECES
9.   BETTER NOT BITTER
10.  NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU SWEAT…UNLESS YOUR WORKING OUT!

So What?!?!

Everyone wants to know what happened.  Everyone is judging your situation. Everyone will know your relationship failed.  Everyone will have their opinion. SO WHAT?!?! When going through difficult times in a relationship so often people are willing to remain in a knowingly failed relationship because of what others will say or think. If you continue to allow the thoughts and comments of others to dictate your actions you will never live in peace.  Peace of mind is vital and can only be accomplished with constant prayer, proper thoughts and the will to succeed.

There is no need for a lengthy write-up today. Write down or think about all the thoughts that plaque your mind regarding your failed relationship and the judgment passed on you… then write or think SO WHAT!?! It’s that simple. You cannot concern yourself with the thoughts and opinion of others. They are not part of your support system, they do not have genuine concern for your well-being, and they do not pay your bills. So why are you placing so much emphasis on their opinion?  Focusing on what others will think or say will only halt your healing process. You have to keep your mind on what’s best for you…not what others think you should do. The goal is to stay focused on self and not have your mind roaming from one subject to the next.  You want peace of mind not a piece of your mind.

Peace of mind is Priceless!  Learn to Live in Peace NOT Pieces!

Alone But Not Lonely

How do you typically deal with the disappointment of a failed relationship?  Do you rush into the arms of another person to fill a void? Do you sleep around looking for affection? Do you build an unbreakable wall around your emotions? Everyone has their own way of coping with disappointment, but when deciding on the method of rehabilitation from heartbreak there are some factors most people overlook.  The main thing I feel people forget to focus on when trying to pick up the pieces is the long term outcome of things. First, I want to say no judgment on how you choose to heal. Next, I want to say always remember life is about more than the present, you must also think about your future.  A question I always ask myself is “How will my current actions affect my future?”

When going through healing, people should evaluate what they want their outcome to be. 

Important factors to consider may include
1.       Staying true to who you are as a person and a parent
2.       Recognize the mistakes you made as well as your partner …NOTE: not just your partner made mistakes
3.        Learn from those mistakes and make mental notes to avoid repeating this behavior
4.       Do NOT focus on love or companionship…focus on healing

The ultimate goal when healing from a relationship should be to become better not bitter.  And it is impossible to become better if you move into a new relationship without evaluating your last one.  Repeating the same process will give you the same results…if you want things to be different you have to change your way of thinking and your attitude.  When entering into a new relationship before accepting the truth of your failed past, the new relationship becomes a crutch.  Meaning, you use it for support never focusing on your own strength to make it through.  When a relationship ends you need time to focus so you can see things for what they were not allowing others to cloud your view and the only way to do this is ALONE. 

You need some time ALONE to accept your past and envision your future…only then will you be able to live a better present. When you spend time alone you force yourself to become complete without the help of anyone else.  Then, the next time you enter a relationship you will already be whole, you will not need anyone to complete you, only to compliment you.  And since this person did not contribute in making you whole, you will not be destroyed if things don't work out. 

IT WILL NOT BE EASY. You will cry. You will have doubts. You will want to go back to what you know. You will long for companionship. But it’ll pass…trust me! YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!

Your Journey to Self is a journey that will take you to a place of peace where you will learn to be ALONE BUT NOT LONELY!

DO NOT GIVE UP!

I BELIEVE IN YOU!

YOU CAN DO THIS!

Demolition

In life you will encounter many types of people.  There are people who you will meet who want to destroy and some who will want to build.  The process of both is so strategic, it is hard to notice which is which at times. Usually the people that try to destroy you are those closest to you. The destroying can be of your character, your reputation, your spirit, your hope, your positivity and so on.  It is usually people whom you trust and love. 

Demolition is the tearing down of structures.  The process of demolishing consists of pulling down either manually or mechanically.  The preparation and finalization for demolition is a long process, it takes months and sometimes years to prepare for (negative people will eat away at you for as long as it takes for them to conquer your mind).  All items of value have to be stripped from the property (they will steal joy, dreams and confidence).   The goal is to use as little explosives as possible; only to destroy a few layers so that it is safer. It’s viewed as demolishing the structure down to a certain manageable height (they take away enough for you to be lost but leave enough for them to be able to mold you into what they want you to become).

When a building fails to collapse completely in the demolition process it will leave the structure unstable, tilting at a dangerous angle, and filled with un-detonated but still primed explosives, making it difficult to be approached safely (which is parallel to a person trying to break someone down and not succeeding completely, the attacked person still has strength but may have lost a little hope… which makes it hard for the mistreated person to trust other people in life because of past experiences).

Now that I have described the demolition process I need you to evaluate your life and your circumstances and see if the above situation correlates to your life.  If so, it’s time to pull out that notebook because you may need to make a few notes…make sure to date the page for future reference.

1.       Identify the negative factor(s) in your life

2.       Identify the person aiding in this problem (note I said aiding because we each play a part in how we allow ourselves to be treated)

3.       Identify situations that have caused you to feel defeated, depleted and destroyed and remember how these things made you feel

4.       Use those feelings as fuel to fight for a better life. (I do not mean fight literally but you will experience an internal battle of the known and unknown)

5.       Write down experiences and feelings that you do not want to repeat (this will help you identify what you are willing to accept out of life)

Now that you have identified the problem, people and or situation that is halting your happiness it’s time to take a stand.  Say no to situations and people that make you go against what you feel you deserve and if they cannot adjust for the betterment of your life, remove yourself from these people and or situations.  DO NOT CONTINUE to allow these things to have an adverse effect on you.   Work through the pain to obtain the end result of peace.  It’s going to be hard, you’re going to cry, you’re going to have doubts, you’re going to be angry; but DON’T GIVE UP!  Everything is a process, it took time to get to where you are and it will take time to heal past it, but it’s possible and it will be worth it!

Isaiah 41:10 - So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Introduction to Journey to Self

One of the questions I get a lot is when I’m going to write a book, and over the years it has become a dream of mine.  I finally decided that I wanted my first book to be an inspirational book about healing and moving on past the hurt.  But since then, it has been put on my heart that my ultimate goal is to help people… so I have decided to post the information on my blog for free that way healing isn’t limited to those that can purchase my book.  This is not to say that eventually I will not write a book…just not right now.  So if you find this information useful I ask that you share my link and join my site to spread the word.   

The first step in this process is to get a notebook and write on it Journey to Self.  This notebook will be dedicated to your journey of becoming a better you.  This will be the first of many tasks to help bring you to a better place in life. 

Task 1 – The Time is Now… It’s Your Decision

I would like to thank you for visiting my site.  Before beginning a few things must be accomplished.

1.      You must realize there is a problem

2.      You must realize it is time to solve that problem

3.      You must realize you can NOT solve that problem on your own or with the help of friends, family and counseling

4.      You are ready to put forth the effort and time that is required to make the changes that are needed to make you a better person overall

5.      You are willing to release any and everything that stops you from achieving these things. 

Take note before preceding that all requirements begin with YOU! Not your wife, your husband, girlfriend/boyfriend, your child, your mother, your friend or your enemy…it begins with YOU! You have to decide that you are ready to change.  You have to decide that you have been in a rut far too long and that you are ready to take control of your destiny and align it with God’s calling for your life. God’s plan for your life is dependent on the decisions that you make, only he knows your full potential and the only way to reach that potential is by making the right decisions. It’s just that simple.  Ultimately you have the final say in how you react to situations. God can lead you but YOU have to choose to follow him in order to reach where he is taking you.

If you are weak and ready to be strong… CONTINUE

If you had a close relationship with God and somehow lost your way… CONTINUE

If you want to enhance your mind spiritually…CONTINUE

If after reading all the above information you are more offended than intrigued or excited… YOU DEFINITELY NEED TO CONTINUE

Philippians 4:13 – I can do all things through CHRIST which strengthened me.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE OR ANY LISTED ON THIS SITE?

Please feel free to do so.  All I ask is that you include the information listed below with any article used:

Natasha Thomas is a person that has a firm belief in Improvement and it is one of her favorite words, because there is always room for improvement, regardless of the subject at hand. The last few years of her life have been a self-growth journey and she is always looking for ways to improve herself as a whole. The Message Behind the Voices is not about her professing to be perfect or a preacher…it’s simply about her travels along her Journey to Self. Writing about things near and dear to her is her way of sowing… She opens herself up, by peeling away the layers one word at a time. She shares her personal experiences in hopes that it can affect others in a positive way. Spread the Word and sign up at  http://TheMessageBehindTheVoices.blogspot.com/

My Fitness TESTimony

Let me start off by giving my fitness testimony…Working out does not give me energy like most people say. I do NOT leave the track feeling like I can conquer anything but my tub and my bed. As long as I keep moving I’m fine, but once I sit down, I’m usually down for the count.  I have daily battles with what I like to call the lazy monster…he wins often.  But I’m not a person that handles defeat well, so when I don’t workout for a while all I can hear is my dad saying “Baby girl, you can’t win them all, but when it’s over they better be tired and you better always put up one helluva fight!” Of course I cleaned that saying up a little LOL. Thinking of this lil mantra doesn’t give me a burst of energy, but it does restore my willpower.  I’ve come to realize some days the energy won’t be there…in my case, most days.  But just like with everything else in life, all that really matters is How Bad You Want It  (Louis voice)!

What motivates you to workout? What are your reasons for wanting to lose weight or get into better shape? If you’re coming up blank on what’s motivating you, in the words of Shaun T,  ‘DIG DEEPER’!  Please note I am speaking to myself as well

Each level of my weightloss journey has had different motivating factors… I went from wanting to be girdle free, to tucking in my shirt and now I want sit down fine! I claim to want it bad…but when looking at the facts is that true? I have a friend that has completely transformed her entire body structure while my progress has been on hold for what seems like FOREVER.  You know why? Because she not only wanted it bad, she worked towards achieving it.  That’s the difference between a dream and a goal.  When you dream of something you sit still and bask in the thought of it. When you set a goal you take the needed steps to achieve it.  I’m so proud of Latonya, she went from thick fine to Women’s Figure Masters overall winner.  Now that’s what I call being great! I’m only fighting the lazy monster, she battled with discouragement and disapproval… yet she still achieved her goal.  

Today my voices are done dreaming and ready for action!

 

Are you ready to start your fitness journey?  How bad do you want that body you envisioned? Are you ready to stop dreaming and start taking action? Start today... contrary to popular belief, fitness, diets and living better does NOT have to start on a Monday!

 

Until Next Time...

 

If You Knew Better, You'd Do Better

Have you ever heard the saying “If you knew better, you’d do better”? Do you believe this to be true? I feel this is one of the most overused untrue statements around.  Possessing the knowledge and applying what you know are two completely different things.  When making decisions people are usually aware of the pros and cons and even when the cons far outweigh the pros they still may choose to follow through with an act. 

Even G.I. Joe knows that ‘ knowing is half the battle’ and the last thing I want to do is waste knowledge.   So guess what that means… it’s time for self-evaluation. Those of yall that know me are aware that I am typically very blunt and sarcastic.  By the time I realize how mean what I’m saying can come across, it’s usually too late.  Something that I’ve decided to start telling myself every day, throughout the day, is “Just because it pops in my mind, doesn’t mean it should pop out of my mouth”.  I am aware of the possible consequences of my words, actions and my text…but it does not stop me from saying certain things.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’m going to stop completely because some of it is too funny to keep to myself, but I will try to filter my words better.

I aim to work on putting out more positive energy than negative. 

I will not harp on the bad things in my life and I will no longer tell my sob story. 

I will speak words of encouragement, success and fulfillment.

I will believe in unconditional love.

I will give people a chance to prove themselves worthy.

I will delete people from my life that bring out the negative side of me.

I will show appreciation to those that deserve it.

I will not let my feelings go unattended.

 

I challenge you guys to do a self-evaluation of your own.  Identify aspects of your character that you know could be better.  Pinpoint certain point of views that you have that could be hindering your progress in life or your happiness.  Make some positive affirmations over your life and your character.

 

Today my voices are putting into action the knowledge of power being in the tongue, faith without works is dead, and knowing without doing is wasteful.  I aim to speak great things into existence for me and those around me. 

Until Next Time…

Closure

Do you find it hard to forgive those who have done you wrong?  When you’re angry at someone do you find all the fancy wording about forgiveness being for you, not the other person, a bit overwhelming? Do you think “how can letting someone off the hook for their actions benefit me more than it does them?” If you answered yes to any of the above, you my friend have a problem…but don’t worry it’s a problem that we have all had at one time or another in our lives.

Personally, I feel the reason so many people have a problem forgiving is because as a society we were programed to want answers to all of our questions.  Why?  When?  Who? Where? Are just a few of the questions most people feel they need answers to before forgiving… the answers to these questions are usually summed up in the word CLOSURE.  Closure is what most people seek before moving on from a situation, but often do not find.  The reason most people find it hard to forgive is because instead of searching for closure they should be opening their eyes to ACCEPTANCE.  The reason acceptance can be more beneficial than closure is because for acceptance you rely on yourself and for closure you rely on others.  

Take a look at your situation, look at  all the facts, and accept the reality of the circumstances!  Do not look to someone else to answer questions you already have the facts to answer.  Expecting someone else to give you closure is equivalent to cheating on an open book test from someone without a book.  You are the only person who knows all the supporting facts of your case so don’t look to someone else to give your closing remarks.

Today My Voices are Accepting…. Accepting all that was, all that is and all that shall be.   

 

Until Next Time

Loving Beyond

Aside from the love of God, one of the most important types of love is self love.  So often people profess a love for themselves, but when put to the test they fail tremendously. In order to have a successful relationship with oneself,  you must learn to love yourself unconditionally and beyond all circumstances.

The term loving yourself beyond, means to love yourself outside of yourself, forming an unbreakable barrier of strength founded in self love.  This love must exist beyond the circumstances in your life. Meaning, you must create a love for yourself strong enough to withstand the pain of disappointment, the anger of regret, the feeling of being overlooked, unappreciated, inadequate, etc.  If you do not learn to love yourself beyond these situations, you are basically giving the enemy an easy attack route.  There are many people in life, that knowingly or unknowingly, seek out weaknesses in others. They will find or create character flaws within a person, to create an opening to gain access to their mind, their heart or both.  Once this is done, they play on your weakness until it begins to consume you, giving them full access and reign over your feelings of self worth.

If you have allowed this to happen to you, it is not too late to correct the situation. Gain control and start the journey to take back over your life today! 

Today my voices are loving…loving all that is me, was me and shall be me. And I ask that you do the same! It is imperative that you LOVE YOURSELF BEYOND! This is one of the most important foundations in building a better you. 

Until Next Time....

100 Happy Days

When you think of social media what comes to mind? Do you automatically think negatively about it? When I think of social media I think of a whole new world to explore. I think of current events, DIY tips, betterment of oneself, hair tips, similarities with people I’ve never met, etc.  Don’t get me wrong, there are negative things that come out of social networking but just everything else in life…It’s what you make it.

On Instagram I follow a very bright young lady whose tag is @phoenix316.  I’ve never met her, but emotionally and spiritually it seems that we are on the same path.  Recently I saw her post a picture with the hashtag  #100happydays and I asked her about it.  Basically, for 100 days you have to find something to be happy about. It seemed fairly easy so I decided to join her in this challenge via www.100happydays.com.

While doing the 100 Happy Days Challenge I plan to embark upon a journey to a better me, by recognizing and acknowledging the simple things in life that I’m blessed with daily but often overlook.  My goal is to obtain an awareness of the great things in my life and to focus less on the negative. Please join me, I think this will be a very beneficial experience to all that take time out, to not only be happy, but give thanks for it.

Today my voices are determined to laugh, encourage and stay positive. 

Here's to Turning 100 Happy Days into a Lifetime of Joy!