10,000 Steps

It’s almost spring ….do you know what that means?  Yep, time to prep for the summer!! One thing I have always struggled with is my weight.  I’ve tried everything…crash diets, juicing, green smoothies, not eating, exercising (periodically) LOL.  I have always wanted the results without giving the dedication needed to obtain them, which leads to my current dilemma (my weight gain). I’m always up for a good challenge…which leads me to my new self-assessment and research.  It is time to make a change and I’m willing to try multiple things until I find what works best for me. My next trial run is setting a goal to incorporate 10,000 steps a day in my daily routine.

10,000 steps is equivalent to 5 miles. I want to accomplish this goal at all cost so my plan is to use my 15 minute breaks to walk and I also plan to march in place while brushing my teeth or cooking if it’s going to help me reach my goal LOL! I purchased a new toy to help track my steps, activity level and sleeping habits. 

If you have a FitBit add me as one of your friends and “LET’S GET TO STEPPING!”  My email address is nthomas13@gmail.com.  I will keep you posted on my progress.

Start Weight:      147.9

Goal Weight:      125

Pounds to go:      22.9 lbs

Short-term goal:  Take 10,000 Steps A Day

Long-term goal:  Create a lifestyle change that will result in a healthier body inside and out

Until Next Time...

It's a Process!

Are you doubting your decision, are you wondering if you tried everything there is to try? Are you afraid that you are giving up on them and they have finally figured out what they had in you and they are ready to do right? Are you considering giving it another shot because you don’t want someone else to benefit from all of your hard work and tears? Are you worried that someone else will come along and they will treat them the way you always wanted to be treated?

If you are and they haven’t given you any reason to doubt your decision… GET OVER IT! If your only reason for questioning letting go is out of your own fear of the unknown LET IT GO! Let's keep it real, If that person has any decency, chances are someone WILL  benefit from your hard work, but it wasn’t in God’s plan for that person to be you.  You have to accept that  there’s nothing you can do to change that!  One thing I believe with all my heart is “Circumstances should NOT affect your loyalty if your goal never changes”.  If someone’s goal is to love, protect, cherish and provide for you nothing should be able to change that.. no temptation, no trial and no obstacle.  So keep in mind that both parties may have been working towards different goals.

I hate to be the one to break this to you, but guess what? There is no quick fix! You will not go to sleep one night, pray for healing and wake up the next morning okay. But, overtime, if you continue to pray and stand firm in your decision, gradually things will get easier.  One thing you must do is ALLOW THE PAIN! Only mask it in public, everyone that shows concern doesn't have your best interest at heart.  Go through the anger, the regret, the crying, the depression, JUST DON’T GO BACK to the person that caused the pain and don’t allow them to hold you back from your future. 

“Every day in life is a test, it’s up to us if it becomes a testimony!”

"Stand Firm, Make a Strong Move & Keep It Moving With Pride"

Close the Door

It’s been over for what seems like a while to you, so you think that you’re finally in a place to have a conversation with your ex. Yall talk and they give their side of the story and your shocked, appalled, angry, hurt, confused or all of the above.  Now you feel the need to not only want to explain your point of view but also wanting to defend yourself against their allegations. Once this is done your usually left crying, feeling like the breakup just happened and your back to square one.

DO NOT DO THIS! THE CONVERSATION WILL ONLY CHANGE YOUR MENTAL STATE!

Some of the main quarrels in life are because of people's inabilities to understand others, stubbornness to only understand themselves and their refusal to compromise or show compassion for others. I feel that so many of life's hang ups can be freed by simply learning to agree to disagree, without holding a grudge.

The top characteristic that forms a person’s view on different situations is the experiences in life that they have encountered. The events in everyone's life is different, therefore it is most likely that each perspective will also be different. We as people need to keep in mind that when looking out of life's window, the view we see will be based on our PERSONAL trials, triumphs and failures.

People who do NOT share your perspective on life will not see the same view you see when looking out of life's window. Each window has a different view!

A Thief does NOT share the view of a Noble Man.

A Hustler can NOT comprehend the strict budget of a Hard Working Man, just as a Millionaire can not fathom the struggles of Ordinary People.

A Mistress could NEVER understand the perspective of a Wife.

A Fornicator can NOT grasp the abstinence of a Priest, no more than a Sinner can comprehend the walk of a person that fears God.

Face it, if yall shared the same point of views, honored the same values and feared the same God, things would have turned out differently.  You will not get all the answers to your questions. All the explaining in the world will not smooth things out. You are only hurting yourself by going back trying to understand and explain.

STOP TRYING TO UNDERSTAND THEM! STOP TRYING TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF! ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS TO LEARN IS ACCEPTANCE! ACCEPT WHAT IS AND REALIZE THAT CLOSURE DOES NOT EXIST IN THE FORM THAT MOST PEOPLE THINK IT DOES.  YOU PROVIDE YOUR OWN CLOSURE BY CLOSING THE DOOR TO YOUR PAST!

 

 

Key Factors to Remember While Healing

As of now…

1.       You realize you have a problem and you’re ready to solve it
2.       You have identified the people/things that affect you negatively
3.       You have let go of the negativity that weighs you down mentally and physically
4.       You have decided to work through your emotions without entering into a relationship to ease the pain
5.    You are ignoring the rumors

All stages of healing correlate to one another.  You will have good days, bad days, happy days, sad days but when going through your emotional rollercoaster there are some key factors to keep in mind

1.   Just because you're sad, depressed, disappointed or all of the above YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LOOK THE PART! 
2.   Always keep yourself up.  It is a proven fact that when you look good, you feel better…so please continue to take pride in your appearance. 
3.   Be mindful of the words you speak and speak positive words.
4.   Don’t tell your sob story to all you encounter. 
5.   You do NOT have to defend yourself against every story being told
6.   You do not have to justify your situation, your decision or your status.
7.   Walk with your head held high, there is nothing to be ashamed about.  Things end, relationships fail, you are not the first and you will not be the last.
8.   PEACE NOT PIECES
9.   BETTER NOT BITTER
10.  NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU SWEAT…UNLESS YOUR WORKING OUT!

So What?!?!

Everyone wants to know what happened.  Everyone is judging your situation. Everyone will know your relationship failed.  Everyone will have their opinion. SO WHAT?!?! When going through difficult times in a relationship so often people are willing to remain in a knowingly failed relationship because of what others will say or think. If you continue to allow the thoughts and comments of others to dictate your actions you will never live in peace.  Peace of mind is vital and can only be accomplished with constant prayer, proper thoughts and the will to succeed.

There is no need for a lengthy write-up today. Write down or think about all the thoughts that plaque your mind regarding your failed relationship and the judgment passed on you… then write or think SO WHAT!?! It’s that simple. You cannot concern yourself with the thoughts and opinion of others. They are not part of your support system, they do not have genuine concern for your well-being, and they do not pay your bills. So why are you placing so much emphasis on their opinion?  Focusing on what others will think or say will only halt your healing process. You have to keep your mind on what’s best for you…not what others think you should do. The goal is to stay focused on self and not have your mind roaming from one subject to the next.  You want peace of mind not a piece of your mind.

Peace of mind is Priceless!  Learn to Live in Peace NOT Pieces!

Alone But Not Lonely

How do you typically deal with the disappointment of a failed relationship?  Do you rush into the arms of another person to fill a void? Do you sleep around looking for affection? Do you build an unbreakable wall around your emotions? Everyone has their own way of coping with disappointment, but when deciding on the method of rehabilitation from heartbreak there are some factors most people overlook.  The main thing I feel people forget to focus on when trying to pick up the pieces is the long term outcome of things. First, I want to say no judgment on how you choose to heal. Next, I want to say always remember life is about more than the present, you must also think about your future.  A question I always ask myself is “How will my current actions affect my future?”

When going through healing, people should evaluate what they want their outcome to be. 

Important factors to consider may include
1.       Staying true to who you are as a person and a parent
2.       Recognize the mistakes you made as well as your partner …NOTE: not just your partner made mistakes
3.        Learn from those mistakes and make mental notes to avoid repeating this behavior
4.       Do NOT focus on love or companionship…focus on healing

The ultimate goal when healing from a relationship should be to become better not bitter.  And it is impossible to become better if you move into a new relationship without evaluating your last one.  Repeating the same process will give you the same results…if you want things to be different you have to change your way of thinking and your attitude.  When entering into a new relationship before accepting the truth of your failed past, the new relationship becomes a crutch.  Meaning, you use it for support never focusing on your own strength to make it through.  When a relationship ends you need time to focus so you can see things for what they were not allowing others to cloud your view and the only way to do this is ALONE. 

You need some time ALONE to accept your past and envision your future…only then will you be able to live a better present. When you spend time alone you force yourself to become complete without the help of anyone else.  Then, the next time you enter a relationship you will already be whole, you will not need anyone to complete you, only to compliment you.  And since this person did not contribute in making you whole, you will not be destroyed if things don't work out. 

IT WILL NOT BE EASY. You will cry. You will have doubts. You will want to go back to what you know. You will long for companionship. But it’ll pass…trust me! YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!

Your Journey to Self is a journey that will take you to a place of peace where you will learn to be ALONE BUT NOT LONELY!

DO NOT GIVE UP!

I BELIEVE IN YOU!

YOU CAN DO THIS!

Demolition

In life you will encounter many types of people.  There are people who you will meet who want to destroy and some who will want to build.  The process of both is so strategic, it is hard to notice which is which at times. Usually the people that try to destroy you are those closest to you. The destroying can be of your character, your reputation, your spirit, your hope, your positivity and so on.  It is usually people whom you trust and love. 

Demolition is the tearing down of structures.  The process of demolishing consists of pulling down either manually or mechanically.  The preparation and finalization for demolition is a long process, it takes months and sometimes years to prepare for (negative people will eat away at you for as long as it takes for them to conquer your mind).  All items of value have to be stripped from the property (they will steal joy, dreams and confidence).   The goal is to use as little explosives as possible; only to destroy a few layers so that it is safer. It’s viewed as demolishing the structure down to a certain manageable height (they take away enough for you to be lost but leave enough for them to be able to mold you into what they want you to become).

When a building fails to collapse completely in the demolition process it will leave the structure unstable, tilting at a dangerous angle, and filled with un-detonated but still primed explosives, making it difficult to be approached safely (which is parallel to a person trying to break someone down and not succeeding completely, the attacked person still has strength but may have lost a little hope… which makes it hard for the mistreated person to trust other people in life because of past experiences).

Now that I have described the demolition process I need you to evaluate your life and your circumstances and see if the above situation correlates to your life.  If so, it’s time to pull out that notebook because you may need to make a few notes…make sure to date the page for future reference.

1.       Identify the negative factor(s) in your life

2.       Identify the person aiding in this problem (note I said aiding because we each play a part in how we allow ourselves to be treated)

3.       Identify situations that have caused you to feel defeated, depleted and destroyed and remember how these things made you feel

4.       Use those feelings as fuel to fight for a better life. (I do not mean fight literally but you will experience an internal battle of the known and unknown)

5.       Write down experiences and feelings that you do not want to repeat (this will help you identify what you are willing to accept out of life)

Now that you have identified the problem, people and or situation that is halting your happiness it’s time to take a stand.  Say no to situations and people that make you go against what you feel you deserve and if they cannot adjust for the betterment of your life, remove yourself from these people and or situations.  DO NOT CONTINUE to allow these things to have an adverse effect on you.   Work through the pain to obtain the end result of peace.  It’s going to be hard, you’re going to cry, you’re going to have doubts, you’re going to be angry; but DON’T GIVE UP!  Everything is a process, it took time to get to where you are and it will take time to heal past it, but it’s possible and it will be worth it!

Isaiah 41:10 - So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.