Key Factors to Remember While Healing

As of now…

1.       You realize you have a problem and you’re ready to solve it
2.       You have identified the people/things that affect you negatively
3.       You have let go of the negativity that weighs you down mentally and physically
4.       You have decided to work through your emotions without entering into a relationship to ease the pain
5.    You are ignoring the rumors

All stages of healing correlate to one another.  You will have good days, bad days, happy days, sad days but when going through your emotional rollercoaster there are some key factors to keep in mind

1.   Just because you're sad, depressed, disappointed or all of the above YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LOOK THE PART! 
2.   Always keep yourself up.  It is a proven fact that when you look good, you feel better…so please continue to take pride in your appearance. 
3.   Be mindful of the words you speak and speak positive words.
4.   Don’t tell your sob story to all you encounter. 
5.   You do NOT have to defend yourself against every story being told
6.   You do not have to justify your situation, your decision or your status.
7.   Walk with your head held high, there is nothing to be ashamed about.  Things end, relationships fail, you are not the first and you will not be the last.
8.   PEACE NOT PIECES
9.   BETTER NOT BITTER
10.  NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU SWEAT…UNLESS YOUR WORKING OUT!

So What?!?!

Everyone wants to know what happened.  Everyone is judging your situation. Everyone will know your relationship failed.  Everyone will have their opinion. SO WHAT?!?! When going through difficult times in a relationship so often people are willing to remain in a knowingly failed relationship because of what others will say or think. If you continue to allow the thoughts and comments of others to dictate your actions you will never live in peace.  Peace of mind is vital and can only be accomplished with constant prayer, proper thoughts and the will to succeed.

There is no need for a lengthy write-up today. Write down or think about all the thoughts that plaque your mind regarding your failed relationship and the judgment passed on you… then write or think SO WHAT!?! It’s that simple. You cannot concern yourself with the thoughts and opinion of others. They are not part of your support system, they do not have genuine concern for your well-being, and they do not pay your bills. So why are you placing so much emphasis on their opinion?  Focusing on what others will think or say will only halt your healing process. You have to keep your mind on what’s best for you…not what others think you should do. The goal is to stay focused on self and not have your mind roaming from one subject to the next.  You want peace of mind not a piece of your mind.

Peace of mind is Priceless!  Learn to Live in Peace NOT Pieces!

Alone But Not Lonely

How do you typically deal with the disappointment of a failed relationship?  Do you rush into the arms of another person to fill a void? Do you sleep around looking for affection? Do you build an unbreakable wall around your emotions? Everyone has their own way of coping with disappointment, but when deciding on the method of rehabilitation from heartbreak there are some factors most people overlook.  The main thing I feel people forget to focus on when trying to pick up the pieces is the long term outcome of things. First, I want to say no judgment on how you choose to heal. Next, I want to say always remember life is about more than the present, you must also think about your future.  A question I always ask myself is “How will my current actions affect my future?”

When going through healing, people should evaluate what they want their outcome to be. 

Important factors to consider may include
1.       Staying true to who you are as a person and a parent
2.       Recognize the mistakes you made as well as your partner …NOTE: not just your partner made mistakes
3.        Learn from those mistakes and make mental notes to avoid repeating this behavior
4.       Do NOT focus on love or companionship…focus on healing

The ultimate goal when healing from a relationship should be to become better not bitter.  And it is impossible to become better if you move into a new relationship without evaluating your last one.  Repeating the same process will give you the same results…if you want things to be different you have to change your way of thinking and your attitude.  When entering into a new relationship before accepting the truth of your failed past, the new relationship becomes a crutch.  Meaning, you use it for support never focusing on your own strength to make it through.  When a relationship ends you need time to focus so you can see things for what they were not allowing others to cloud your view and the only way to do this is ALONE. 

You need some time ALONE to accept your past and envision your future…only then will you be able to live a better present. When you spend time alone you force yourself to become complete without the help of anyone else.  Then, the next time you enter a relationship you will already be whole, you will not need anyone to complete you, only to compliment you.  And since this person did not contribute in making you whole, you will not be destroyed if things don't work out. 

IT WILL NOT BE EASY. You will cry. You will have doubts. You will want to go back to what you know. You will long for companionship. But it’ll pass…trust me! YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!

Your Journey to Self is a journey that will take you to a place of peace where you will learn to be ALONE BUT NOT LONELY!

DO NOT GIVE UP!

I BELIEVE IN YOU!

YOU CAN DO THIS!

Demolition

In life you will encounter many types of people.  There are people who you will meet who want to destroy and some who will want to build.  The process of both is so strategic, it is hard to notice which is which at times. Usually the people that try to destroy you are those closest to you. The destroying can be of your character, your reputation, your spirit, your hope, your positivity and so on.  It is usually people whom you trust and love. 

Demolition is the tearing down of structures.  The process of demolishing consists of pulling down either manually or mechanically.  The preparation and finalization for demolition is a long process, it takes months and sometimes years to prepare for (negative people will eat away at you for as long as it takes for them to conquer your mind).  All items of value have to be stripped from the property (they will steal joy, dreams and confidence).   The goal is to use as little explosives as possible; only to destroy a few layers so that it is safer. It’s viewed as demolishing the structure down to a certain manageable height (they take away enough for you to be lost but leave enough for them to be able to mold you into what they want you to become).

When a building fails to collapse completely in the demolition process it will leave the structure unstable, tilting at a dangerous angle, and filled with un-detonated but still primed explosives, making it difficult to be approached safely (which is parallel to a person trying to break someone down and not succeeding completely, the attacked person still has strength but may have lost a little hope… which makes it hard for the mistreated person to trust other people in life because of past experiences).

Now that I have described the demolition process I need you to evaluate your life and your circumstances and see if the above situation correlates to your life.  If so, it’s time to pull out that notebook because you may need to make a few notes…make sure to date the page for future reference.

1.       Identify the negative factor(s) in your life

2.       Identify the person aiding in this problem (note I said aiding because we each play a part in how we allow ourselves to be treated)

3.       Identify situations that have caused you to feel defeated, depleted and destroyed and remember how these things made you feel

4.       Use those feelings as fuel to fight for a better life. (I do not mean fight literally but you will experience an internal battle of the known and unknown)

5.       Write down experiences and feelings that you do not want to repeat (this will help you identify what you are willing to accept out of life)

Now that you have identified the problem, people and or situation that is halting your happiness it’s time to take a stand.  Say no to situations and people that make you go against what you feel you deserve and if they cannot adjust for the betterment of your life, remove yourself from these people and or situations.  DO NOT CONTINUE to allow these things to have an adverse effect on you.   Work through the pain to obtain the end result of peace.  It’s going to be hard, you’re going to cry, you’re going to have doubts, you’re going to be angry; but DON’T GIVE UP!  Everything is a process, it took time to get to where you are and it will take time to heal past it, but it’s possible and it will be worth it!

Isaiah 41:10 - So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Introduction to Journey to Self

One of the questions I get a lot is when I’m going to write a book, and over the years it has become a dream of mine.  I finally decided that I wanted my first book to be an inspirational book about healing and moving on past the hurt.  But since then, it has been put on my heart that my ultimate goal is to help people… so I have decided to post the information on my blog for free that way healing isn’t limited to those that can purchase my book.  This is not to say that eventually I will not write a book…just not right now.  So if you find this information useful I ask that you share my link and join my site to spread the word.   

The first step in this process is to get a notebook and write on it Journey to Self.  This notebook will be dedicated to your journey of becoming a better you.  This will be the first of many tasks to help bring you to a better place in life. 

Task 1 – The Time is Now… It’s Your Decision

I would like to thank you for visiting my site.  Before beginning a few things must be accomplished.

1.      You must realize there is a problem

2.      You must realize it is time to solve that problem

3.      You must realize you can NOT solve that problem on your own or with the help of friends, family and counseling

4.      You are ready to put forth the effort and time that is required to make the changes that are needed to make you a better person overall

5.      You are willing to release any and everything that stops you from achieving these things. 

Take note before preceding that all requirements begin with YOU! Not your wife, your husband, girlfriend/boyfriend, your child, your mother, your friend or your enemy…it begins with YOU! You have to decide that you are ready to change.  You have to decide that you have been in a rut far too long and that you are ready to take control of your destiny and align it with God’s calling for your life. God’s plan for your life is dependent on the decisions that you make, only he knows your full potential and the only way to reach that potential is by making the right decisions. It’s just that simple.  Ultimately you have the final say in how you react to situations. God can lead you but YOU have to choose to follow him in order to reach where he is taking you.

If you are weak and ready to be strong… CONTINUE

If you had a close relationship with God and somehow lost your way… CONTINUE

If you want to enhance your mind spiritually…CONTINUE

If after reading all the above information you are more offended than intrigued or excited… YOU DEFINITELY NEED TO CONTINUE

Philippians 4:13 – I can do all things through CHRIST which strengthened me.

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Natasha Thomas is a person that has a firm belief in Improvement and it is one of her favorite words, because there is always room for improvement, regardless of the subject at hand. The last few years of her life have been a self-growth journey and she is always looking for ways to improve herself as a whole. The Message Behind the Voices is not about her professing to be perfect or a preacher…it’s simply about her travels along her Journey to Self. Writing about things near and dear to her is her way of sowing… She opens herself up, by peeling away the layers one word at a time. She shares her personal experiences in hopes that it can affect others in a positive way. Spread the Word and sign up at  http://TheMessageBehindTheVoices.blogspot.com/

My Fitness TESTimony

Let me start off by giving my fitness testimony…Working out does not give me energy like most people say. I do NOT leave the track feeling like I can conquer anything but my tub and my bed. As long as I keep moving I’m fine, but once I sit down, I’m usually down for the count.  I have daily battles with what I like to call the lazy monster…he wins often.  But I’m not a person that handles defeat well, so when I don’t workout for a while all I can hear is my dad saying “Baby girl, you can’t win them all, but when it’s over they better be tired and you better always put up one helluva fight!” Of course I cleaned that saying up a little LOL. Thinking of this lil mantra doesn’t give me a burst of energy, but it does restore my willpower.  I’ve come to realize some days the energy won’t be there…in my case, most days.  But just like with everything else in life, all that really matters is How Bad You Want It  (Louis voice)!

What motivates you to workout? What are your reasons for wanting to lose weight or get into better shape? If you’re coming up blank on what’s motivating you, in the words of Shaun T,  ‘DIG DEEPER’!  Please note I am speaking to myself as well

Each level of my weightloss journey has had different motivating factors… I went from wanting to be girdle free, to tucking in my shirt and now I want sit down fine! I claim to want it bad…but when looking at the facts is that true? I have a friend that has completely transformed her entire body structure while my progress has been on hold for what seems like FOREVER.  You know why? Because she not only wanted it bad, she worked towards achieving it.  That’s the difference between a dream and a goal.  When you dream of something you sit still and bask in the thought of it. When you set a goal you take the needed steps to achieve it.  I’m so proud of Latonya, she went from thick fine to Women’s Figure Masters overall winner.  Now that’s what I call being great! I’m only fighting the lazy monster, she battled with discouragement and disapproval… yet she still achieved her goal.  

Today my voices are done dreaming and ready for action!

 

Are you ready to start your fitness journey?  How bad do you want that body you envisioned? Are you ready to stop dreaming and start taking action? Start today... contrary to popular belief, fitness, diets and living better does NOT have to start on a Monday!

 

Until Next Time...