My Internal Battle

"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew the right spirit in me."

　

Is a scripture from Psalms that comes to mind when I think about my life, how far I’ve come and where I’m headed.　Personally, this scripture signifies a cry for help for cleansing of the heart/mind… meaning to be purged of all evil thoughts, wrongdoings and past bad experiences. Renewing a right spirit means to gain a less judgmental, more positive personal outlook on life.

Lately, I’ve been finding myself in a battle against my natural being and my spiritual being.　When I say my natural being I’m referring to the person I’ve become as a result of the obstacles I have faced in life.　When I reference my spiritual being I’m referring to the person that I can be if I allow God to have dominion over my life.

"In order to fulfill your God ordained journey in life, you must release the familiar and enter the unfamiliar. You must leap out on faith and believe that he is real and he will see you through"

When I heard this I instantly thought of the feelings that I have been harboring internally.　The internal struggle of my natural being fighting to remain the strong, independent outspoken person I have become; and my spiritual being announcing it’s desire to leap out on faith and begin the journey that will lead to the divine destiny that God has ordained for me.

I texted 2 of my close friends and I expressed my internal struggle by sending　"God is really trying to prepare me for the next stage of my life and I keep fighting back because I’m scared." Their understanding of what I meant by next level was refreshing and allowed me to know that I was in the midst of people who shared my knowledge of the word and God’s calling on people’s lives.　Their assurance that I was not the only one that has dealt with this type of internal battle with natural versus spiritual was more than I could have hope for. Their responses were:

The next stage is "a scary thing, because we like to know in detail the entire process & God wants us to trust Him.　Sometimes the next level seems so big but God is bigger! God has a better plan for us than we can ever have for ourselves.　God’s plan for you will not involve losing yourself but it will involve finding yourself. Finding the you that he designed you to be" said Jovan. She expressed her views with such conviction that it was if her words found a way to entire not only into my mind but also into my heart.　I felt every word that she sent to me.

　

"Faith is believing with out seeing, trusting and knowing he won’t lead us down the wrong path…fear is natural" said Laurey. She probably didn’t realize it at the time, but that was exactly what I needed to hear.　The breakdown of faith is what I lost sight of.

　

Their words of encouragement were exactly what I needed. I now know that it is time for me to begin the journey to my divine destiny.　I feel that once I completely removed the anger, pain and disappointment from my heart and mind I will be able to easily live my life without this inward battle.　When I truly release the demons and disappointments of my past, I will be able to live "spiritually strong, knowledgably blessed and submissively loved" and all of these thing will be directed by God, which will alleviate my battle and bring me to a different level of awareness.　　

The Value of Wisdom: Proverbs 2

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that many people interpret the same situation multiple ways…and this doesn’t necessarily mean that some people are right and others are wrong.  It just means that it’s their PERSONAL perception so it may not be the same view as the masses.  The same thing can be said for a sermon or a bible scripture.   

As I continue to feed my spiritual self, I think my physical being will benefit as well…whether it be from condemnation or awareness .  Below is the reading for December 2, 2011.

Proverbs 2

English Standard Version (ESV)

Proverbs 2

The Value of Wisdom

 ¹ My son, if you receive my words
   and treasure up my commandments with you,
²making your ear attentive to wisdom
   and inclining your heart to understanding;
³yes, if you call out for insight
   and raise your voice for understanding,
⁴if you seek it like silver
   and search for it as for hidden treasures,
⁵then you will understand the fear of the LORD
   and find the knowledge of God.
⁶For the LORD gives wisdom;
   from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;
⁷he stores up sound wisdom for the upright;
   he is a shield to those who walk in integrity,
⁸guarding the paths of justice
   and watching over the way of his saints.
⁹ Then you will understand righteousness and justice
   and equity, every good path;
¹⁰for wisdom will come into your heart,
   and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;
¹¹ discretion will watch over you,
   understanding will guard you,
¹²delivering you from the way of evil,
   from men of perverted speech,
¹³who forsake the paths of uprightness
   to walk in the ways of darkness,
¹⁴who rejoice in doing evil
   and delight in the perverseness of evil,
¹⁵men whose paths are crooked,
    and who are devious in their ways. ¹⁶So you will be delivered from the forbidden^[a] woman,
   from the adulteress^[b] with her smooth words,
¹⁷who forsakes the companion of her youth
   and forgets the covenant of her God;
¹⁸ for her house sinks down to death,
   and her paths to the departed;^[c]
19none who go to her come back,
   nor do they regain the paths of life.
 ²⁰So you will walk in the way of the good
   and keep to the paths of the righteous.
²¹For the upright will inhabit the land,
   and those with integrity will remain in it,
²²but the wicked will be cut off from the land,
   and the treacherous will be rooted out of it.

Thy Will Be Done

Today as I was going with my normal work day, I had a ticket to work…as I resolved the computer problem, I found myself being much more open than I am with other people. I began talking to Mrs. Sandra  and sharing some things with her and she told me to start reading proverbs. She explained how there are enough chapters in proverbs for me to read a chapter a day and I will find that the more I read the more things will start being revealed to me. She even said that I’ll probably see a lot of sayings that my parents used. She’s going to be retiring in a few weeks so she gave me her card that reads "Lord help me remember that nothing is going to happen to me today that You and I together cant handle" When I left her desk I had to give her a hug..she probably has no idea what she has done for me but I believe that God used her as a vessel this morning.

My prayer lately has been for guidance from God and the ability to follow through with what it is he’s leading me to and through. I’m saying all of this to say that I’m looking forward to my readings of proverbs. Sometimes you may not understand what is happening in your life, but God is always in control. If you just allow him to lead you, there’s no telling where you may end. She told me to read the English Translation because it would be easier to understand and I did just that…lo and behold the second verse jumped off the page and immediately got my attention Proverbs 1:2-4 To learn wisdom and moral instruction, and to discern wise counsel. To receive moral instruction in skillful living, in righteousness, justice and equity. Verse 5 went on to say ‘Let the wise also hear and gain instruction, and let the discerning acquire guidance!’

After reading this I knew that this was definitely a message sent to me from God! Who knows…this may be the 1^st step that will lead me to my rightful destination…and it may be the final…I’m excited to find out either way!

I’m still a work in progress, but I’m sooo excited to be one step closer!!

So join me this month in my quest to read a chapter a day. Until next time!

Jack of all Trades, Master of None

I received an email today that read "God created us and therefore we are special, unique, and we have a purpose in life and an important reason for being here." As I read the email I couldn’t help but think what is my purpose?? I use to always say that "Everyone needs a purpose, and if you have no purpose in my life than you are no good for me." I meant every word of it…but now that I’m older I have a different take on everything. In the past I was so busy making sure that I only surrounded myself with people that had a purpose for me I lost sight of myself and fulfilling my role while here.

　

I use to feel that I haven’t found my niche. You know the saying ‘Jack of all Trades, Master of None’…I think they were thinking of me when they coined this phrase. I have until yet to find that one thing that separates me from the rest, the one thing that I excel at and enjoy doing. So, I always asked myself, where do I go from here? Do I try to perfect all trades or do I pick one and master it?? If I choose the wrong one will it alter my divine destiny because I’m not following his will for my life?

　

I no longer feel this way. I think that my 23 personalities are what make me special. I feel that my niche is being a jack of many trades and maybe it just wasn’t in the cards for me to excel at one thing. So I’ve learned to just sit back, live my life trying new things, broadening my horizons which in return takes my visions to higher heights. I believe that each day I’m alive God’s will is unfolding more and more in my life but I have to learn to be patient. Because I believe that peace can only be found within patience. And when I’m finally able to reach the level of peace through patience, then and only then, will I be able to hear God’s voice and be able to listen to the best path to reach my divine destiny.

　

So today I ask, what is your niche?

Figure it Out!!

I don’t want to lose myself in love

I want to become one with love and gain multiple perspectives on life!

I don’t want to get caught up in what society thinks

I want to uphold the values that I was taught and the life lessons I’ve learned along the way!

I don’t want to take on some one else’s opinion

I want to know who I am, except it and perfect it!

I don’t want to follow the next man’s dream

I want to have my own vision, have faith that it’s obtainable but also realize fame isn’t for everyone!

My point is, I know who I am, I know where I’ve been and I have no idea where I’m headed, but that’s okay with me. Because I know that through whatever trials I may face from this day forward, I’m doing it with my head held high, God on my side and faith that everything will work out in my favor. I try my best to live my life in a way that is pleasing to me…when I say this I don’t mean that no on else matters, I’m saying that I never forget that I am the one that has to live with the decisions I make so I try to make them count. I fall short many times because I'm human but it doesn't mean that the intentions of my heart have changed.

If tonight was your last, what would you do?

What and who are you thankful for?

If you left this life without writing an autobiography what would your book read?

Figure out who you are, let go of who you were, learn to love and appreciate what you have at this very moment! And have faith that the future will work itself out when it becomes the present! Things happen too fast and circumstances change in the twinkling of an eye so make sure to make the best of the time you have left on earth.

Happy Thanksgiving and don’t forget to Give Thanks!!

Introduction to Your Victory

I know all the things that people say about my pastor but he always gives me exactly what I need to continue my walk her on earth with my head held high and my dignity in tact. His sermon today meant a lot to me so I decided to share a synopsis of his sermon. 

Today pastor talked about ‘How to live for God, How to have Rest, How to apply faith and How the Holy Spirit Works.’  He explained that the only way to prevent sin from having dominion over you is to stay strong and grow in the lord and live according to his word.  He made it clear that simply knowing the word does not get you into heaven “Heaven is not an Automatic Truth!”  You have to protect your heart, your soul and your body from working by feelings…because feelings are easily tied to sin.  Without righteous morals we will live like heathens…and morals can only come from the fear of God.

My pastor has this uncanny way of preaching about whatever it is I may be going through at any given Sunday.  It's as if he peeks into my life…sees my past, predicts my future and tries to stop me from doing anything that will deter me from the path of righteousness. 

The thing that stood out the most to me today was when Pastor was talking about how sometimes we are so busy trying to tell people the right things to do, that we are perceived in a way that’s not like God.  Not because we don’t mean well, but because these people are unevenly yoked so they do not understand our perspective of things.  Sometimes people have a tendency to overlook your heart and not understand that you’re coming from a place of love.

“When your test is at its worse, just sit down! No running around, fussing, cussing and crying”

“Don’t allow your feelings to dictate your faith”

“Don’t allow anything or anyone to contaminate your Faith!”

“Stay plugged into the word, to prevent the devil from plugging in to you!”

What Kind of Friend are You?

I am one of the most stubborn people you’ll ever meet. I speak on things with great passion and I’m very adamant about what I believe to be true. I get loud and sometimes overbearing when trying to make my point. I don’t mean to be this way; it has just become a part of who I am over the years. Being opinionated and strong willed isn’t something that everyone can handle. There are some people that don’t like when someone else’s views don’t coincide with their personal thoughts. I, on the other hand, don’t have a problem agreeing to disagree.

People claim to be "real" and "love realness", but the truth of the matter is, most people don’t want to hear the truth. They want someone to agree with their thoughts and build them up even if they’re wrong and their way of thinking is warped. Personally, I’m not that type of friend, if you ask me a question, I’ll give you my honest answer and feeling on the subject. I will try my best to be mindful of your feelings, but I wont pacify the truth, and I would expect the same in return.

Everyone wants people in their lives for different reasons…to make them look better, feel better and even do better. Personally, I have no problem building another person up, sharing the spotlight or even stepping aside and allowing others to shine. And in the midst I can genuinely be happy for others and their accomplishments. But everyone doesn’t possess this quality.

So often, good people get mixed up with people with bad intentions, and instead of the good rubbing off on the bad it’s usually the other way around. Bad seeds are easily planted and will manifest in your life with great force if you allow it. Don’t allow the ill intentions of others to be the motivating force that makes you change who you are.

So my question to you is… What kind of friend are You? And, What kind do you want? Be the friend that you want to attract, and stop dipping in the lives of people that you don’t care about. If your hateful, be amongst those who show hate. Don’t ruin a good person by pretending to be their friend….its like grass...St. Augustine grass never wins the battle when fighting with wild weeds.

I’ve lost some friends through my journey of life, just by being who I am, but knowing that my heart has always been pure and my intentions were always good is enough for me. I know that I’m a good person and no one will ever be able to make me think otherwise. Anyone that chooses to miss out on all this awesomeness is the one with the problem.

I’m Blessed on Purpose because I was Blessed to be a Blessing !