My Confession

Its time I stop doing things my way and take heed to the divine signs

The last thing I want to happen, is for my spiritual eyes to go blind.

I’m going to stop taking my destiny, into my own hands

Start taking the less traveled road and do my best to withstand..

Withstand from daily sin and realize that everyone sometimes fall

But stop using that as an excuse, to refrain from the call…

The call on my life, that I keep trying to ignore

When I know that I’m blessed and its me that God adores

Adores more than some, I realize I’m blessed and highly favored you see

And I’m ready to be God’s soldier and try to be all that he has me to be

I tried to make my own agenda but God had something else planned for me.

I wanted to choose my own path, But my divine journey is far beyond what I can see

My Internal Battle

"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew the right spirit in me."

　

Is a scripture from Psalms that comes to mind when I think about my life, how far I’ve come and where I’m headed.　Personally, this scripture signifies a cry for help for cleansing of the heart/mind… meaning to be purged of all evil thoughts, wrongdoings and past bad experiences. Renewing a right spirit means to gain a less judgmental, more positive personal outlook on life.

Lately, I’ve been finding myself in a battle against my natural being and my spiritual being.　When I say my natural being I’m referring to the person I’ve become as a result of the obstacles I have faced in life.　When I reference my spiritual being I’m referring to the person that I can be if I allow God to have dominion over my life.

"In order to fulfill your God ordained journey in life, you must release the familiar and enter the unfamiliar. You must leap out on faith and believe that he is real and he will see you through"

When I heard this I instantly thought of the feelings that I have been harboring internally.　The internal struggle of my natural being fighting to remain the strong, independent outspoken person I have become; and my spiritual being announcing it’s desire to leap out on faith and begin the journey that will lead to the divine destiny that God has ordained for me.

I texted 2 of my close friends and I expressed my internal struggle by sending　"God is really trying to prepare me for the next stage of my life and I keep fighting back because I’m scared." Their understanding of what I meant by next level was refreshing and allowed me to know that I was in the midst of people who shared my knowledge of the word and God’s calling on people’s lives.　Their assurance that I was not the only one that has dealt with this type of internal battle with natural versus spiritual was more than I could have hope for. Their responses were:

The next stage is "a scary thing, because we like to know in detail the entire process & God wants us to trust Him.　Sometimes the next level seems so big but God is bigger! God has a better plan for us than we can ever have for ourselves.　God’s plan for you will not involve losing yourself but it will involve finding yourself. Finding the you that he designed you to be" said Jovan. She expressed her views with such conviction that it was if her words found a way to entire not only into my mind but also into my heart.　I felt every word that she sent to me.

　

"Faith is believing with out seeing, trusting and knowing he won’t lead us down the wrong path…fear is natural" said Laurey. She probably didn’t realize it at the time, but that was exactly what I needed to hear.　The breakdown of faith is what I lost sight of.

　

Their words of encouragement were exactly what I needed. I now know that it is time for me to begin the journey to my divine destiny.　I feel that once I completely removed the anger, pain and disappointment from my heart and mind I will be able to easily live my life without this inward battle.　When I truly release the demons and disappointments of my past, I will be able to live "spiritually strong, knowledgably blessed and submissively loved" and all of these thing will be directed by God, which will alleviate my battle and bring me to a different level of awareness.　　

The Value of Wisdom: Proverbs 2

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that many people interpret the same situation multiple ways…and this doesn’t necessarily mean that some people are right and others are wrong.  It just means that it’s their PERSONAL perception so it may not be the same view as the masses.  The same thing can be said for a sermon or a bible scripture.   

As I continue to feed my spiritual self, I think my physical being will benefit as well…whether it be from condemnation or awareness .  Below is the reading for December 2, 2011.

Proverbs 2

English Standard Version (ESV)

Proverbs 2

The Value of Wisdom

 ¹ My son, if you receive my words
   and treasure up my commandments with you,
²making your ear attentive to wisdom
   and inclining your heart to understanding;
³yes, if you call out for insight
   and raise your voice for understanding,
⁴if you seek it like silver
   and search for it as for hidden treasures,
⁵then you will understand the fear of the LORD
   and find the knowledge of God.
⁶For the LORD gives wisdom;
   from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;
⁷he stores up sound wisdom for the upright;
   he is a shield to those who walk in integrity,
⁸guarding the paths of justice
   and watching over the way of his saints.
⁹ Then you will understand righteousness and justice
   and equity, every good path;
¹⁰for wisdom will come into your heart,
   and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;
¹¹ discretion will watch over you,
   understanding will guard you,
¹²delivering you from the way of evil,
   from men of perverted speech,
¹³who forsake the paths of uprightness
   to walk in the ways of darkness,
¹⁴who rejoice in doing evil
   and delight in the perverseness of evil,
¹⁵men whose paths are crooked,
    and who are devious in their ways. ¹⁶So you will be delivered from the forbidden^[a] woman,
   from the adulteress^[b] with her smooth words,
¹⁷who forsakes the companion of her youth
   and forgets the covenant of her God;
¹⁸ for her house sinks down to death,
   and her paths to the departed;^[c]
19none who go to her come back,
   nor do they regain the paths of life.
 ²⁰So you will walk in the way of the good
   and keep to the paths of the righteous.
²¹For the upright will inhabit the land,
   and those with integrity will remain in it,
²²but the wicked will be cut off from the land,
   and the treacherous will be rooted out of it.

Thy Will Be Done

Today as I was going with my normal work day, I had a ticket to work…as I resolved the computer problem, I found myself being much more open than I am with other people. I began talking to Mrs. Sandra  and sharing some things with her and she told me to start reading proverbs. She explained how there are enough chapters in proverbs for me to read a chapter a day and I will find that the more I read the more things will start being revealed to me. She even said that I’ll probably see a lot of sayings that my parents used. She’s going to be retiring in a few weeks so she gave me her card that reads "Lord help me remember that nothing is going to happen to me today that You and I together cant handle" When I left her desk I had to give her a hug..she probably has no idea what she has done for me but I believe that God used her as a vessel this morning.

My prayer lately has been for guidance from God and the ability to follow through with what it is he’s leading me to and through. I’m saying all of this to say that I’m looking forward to my readings of proverbs. Sometimes you may not understand what is happening in your life, but God is always in control. If you just allow him to lead you, there’s no telling where you may end. She told me to read the English Translation because it would be easier to understand and I did just that…lo and behold the second verse jumped off the page and immediately got my attention Proverbs 1:2-4 To learn wisdom and moral instruction, and to discern wise counsel. To receive moral instruction in skillful living, in righteousness, justice and equity. Verse 5 went on to say ‘Let the wise also hear and gain instruction, and let the discerning acquire guidance!’

After reading this I knew that this was definitely a message sent to me from God! Who knows…this may be the 1^st step that will lead me to my rightful destination…and it may be the final…I’m excited to find out either way!

I’m still a work in progress, but I’m sooo excited to be one step closer!!

So join me this month in my quest to read a chapter a day. Until next time!